Release

I'm on this little hiatus from technology (writing still in, of course) and decided one of the things I'm focusing on is making some art. Such an important part of me and it got me to thinking of a story about art in my life. I shared it with a friend today and she was inspired by it, so I thought I'd put it down here too.

For the most part, I hated school. I was fortunate enough to make a few best friends, people that I've known since I was five years old, so that was helpful. But I was bored, uninterested and didn't know how to play social games very well. Of course, there were some good times and it was tolerable but I wasn't happy and certainly not able to explore my full potential. I would get my 'busy' work done long before most classmates and spent a lot of time reading in the corner. Which wasn't too bad because I really love reading. I scored one point away from being in the 'gifted' class but hey, there has to be some cut off point so I watched the 'smart' kids head off doing fun stuff while I kept reading in the corner. The only thing that really got me excited about school was art and music. Unfortunately music didn't come until grade 7 and there wasn't a huge focus on art. Ugh.

Then came time to choose a high school and I almost died when I found out that there was an arts school. I explored all my options, gathered information (got more excited) and talked to my parents about it. I'm still not exactly sure why they said no, something about there being no future in art or it was too far.... I was choked. Seriously. WTF. That was it. No changing minds. Even as I write this I can feel that crushing feeling in my chest.

Anyway, I managed to get through the rest of school and on with my life. I never realized how much resentment and bitterness I was holding on to until a couple of years ago. I always sorta had some outlet for art but my creativity was totally being dampened by the emotional block surrounding my experience.

I'm pretty sure what turned it all around was a conversation. I love perfect timing. I was back home visiting with my dear friend Sarah who was talking about having wings and in that moment I realized that nothing was stopping me from doing art! Except myself. I had been holding onto limiting, destructive and unnecessary things. From like over 15 years ago!! WTF indeed.

A long train ride later, I rocked out this piece sitting by a sunny window in my kitchen while my kids created too. Not exactly sure how it happened, I vaguely remember seeing it somewhere a long time ago... some people say it's a self portrait. Either way, it came from the inner depths of release -  a negative thought pattern that I no longer wanted or needed in my life. It's so powerful to identify and then let these things go.

Love, Jenn